After
by Jay Desi
Summary: The night before he dies, A writes to a special child. Warning: Mentions of Suicide.


_Disclaimer: This was made for fun not profit, I do not own Death Note or anything related to it._

_Warnings: Suicide, Mild spoilers_

_Also: Review and let me know if I should keep going with this._

* * *

We never got to really know each other, but I have no one else whom I can give this to. So humor me.

When I first arrived at Wammy's house I was too young to understand the gravity of the situation. All I knew was that I was going to be living in home for child prodigies and that I would one day take over as L. The last part meant nothing to me at age seven. However by the time I was ten, I had tried several different methods to escape the never ending training and learning and competing. From running away, to making calls to child protection agencies that refused to do anything. I did not want to be apart of whatever being L was.

I now understand that I was spending my childhood years being transformed into an elite detective so that if the original L died, I could take his place. Which is why they called me After, or A for short. At this very moment I am the first successor to L, behind me is BB and several others (but I could care less about most of them).

I am nineteen years old, I have red hair and brown eyes, and I will not live to see tomorrow. I write this not only to chronicle my life, but to explain why I have chosen to end it. I shall of course do the latter first and let you decide if you want to read on.

A week ago I left the confines of my room (something I find myself not very accustomed to) and discovered a whole new batch of children ready to be crushed and molded by the Wammy system. BB informed me that I was to refer to your lot as the 4th Generation. It had always struck me as odd that even though they had me and BB and all of the other '1st Generation' they kept adding new children.

After a mere three days of laborious tests and observations the 4th Generation children had all been ranked according to Wammy's standards. The top two were tied evenly. You were one of them, Mello. I do not have to know you to tell that you are a highly ambitious and passionate person. In all my years at Wammy's I have never seen a candidate behave like you did. Screaming and kicking and yelling you made sure that everyone around you knew that you were number one despite what the charts said. It was highly amusing. The boy you were tied with, Near, was very different. Even though he's two years younger than you are, he doesn't have half your energy. He seemed nonchalant about the scores and ignored your dramatic scene.

This is something you probably know Mello, but you will never be L. I think you secretly know that as well. You are too rambunctious and emotional to be a stern, rule- following detective. If it comes down to your generation, the successor will most likely be Near. I can't say I'm fond of him though. The child is quite… creepy.

BB likes Near. To be honest, it makes sense. Near is quiet and scary-looking, BB is out of his mind… I've known him for most of my life and yet I still have yet to figure him out. It's like he's trying to convince everyone that he's insane.

He used to tell me things when we were young, that didn't make much sense. He said he knew when everyone was going to die, and that he could see monsters that no one else could. Once he told me he had killed his parents. After that I couldn't share a room with him anymore. I don't believe it's true… but there's always the possibility.

But even with his oddities, BB was still the only friend I've ever had. Not that the feelings mutual. I'm not entirely sure he can feel things like friendship. Even if he can, there would still be the resentment between us over L.

I digress. Back to the matter at hand, I always knew I would make a horrible L. That even with my test scores and intellect, I could never be a suitable replacement. I also knew that no matter what I did, I would never be able to leave Wammy's without some type of horrible repercussion. So I sat back and stopped caring. After all, even if I was a horrible L, they would have nobody but themselves to blame for choosing me. My thoughts on that matter were abruptly shattered.

It was just yesterday that I decided to kill myself. When something you said made me realize just what was at stake. I know it seems odd that a comment by an eight year old boy could cause someone to have a life changing epiphany and then lead to that persons suicide, but a lot of things are odd about me.

You were having a one-sided shouting match with Near over the results of a math test you had just received. You were insulting him, he was building a dinosaur out of building blocks. You told him he would be a horrible detective because he didn't care. You also said that when detectives don't care, they make mistakes. When they make mistakes, innocent people die. Quite astute for an eight year old.

I took what you said to heart, and decided that no matter what I could not live to become L. Nobody would have to die because I made a mistake.

So tonight I am going to travel to the roof, and jump off. Simple but effective. You need to realize that you helped me save lives despite whatever anyone says, Mello.

A,

After,

Aleksander Voghn


End file.
